My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
