I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
