no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
