she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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