my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
