i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
