I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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