Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
