Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have fence marks all over my body
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
