I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
