its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
