Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
