I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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