He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
