His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You are the jesus of drinking
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
