1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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