??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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