I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
