Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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