just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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