She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
