I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
