For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
