i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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