They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
