He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
