Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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