Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
