She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
