I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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