bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
