There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
