people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
