this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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