I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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