we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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