I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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