so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
