with your own penis?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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