I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
