I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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