so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
