now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
