He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
