hotel room ftw
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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