I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
