oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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