I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize