a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
