My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
