I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
